18 6 / 2013

delano-laramie:

thegrandstonedblood:

teddyandtea:

This is the best Anime and no one can deny.

i’m reblogging this twice because thIS ISN’T A JOKE ITS A REAL SHOW THIS DIALOGUE IS REAL THIS SHOW WAS MY CHILDHOOD

BOBOBO

(via thegeekry)

18 6 / 2013

android18:

professor oak do you know anything about pokemon at all

android18:

professor oak do you know anything about pokemon at all

(Source: pokemon-fanatics, via horned-heart)

18 6 / 2013

deathpup:

shrexything:

babyferaligator:

oomshi:

is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing 

no its called highjacking

guys no it’s weedwhacking

no its called dissapointing ur mother

(via horned-heart)

18 6 / 2013

wank-stains:

royalteens:

jesus did not die for this

He should have this is amazing

wank-stains:

royalteens:

jesus did not die for this

He should have this is amazing

(Source: pleatedjeans, via myothercarisabluebox)

18 6 / 2013

brontobunny:

frostfiremage:

naplayslol:

LoL Stats

I’m so done.

Omfg. Yes

(via aerithrayne)

18 6 / 2013

cancerously:

soldier-out-of-time:

captainamericasbiggestfan:

soldier-out-of-time:

captainamericasbiggestfan:

soldier-out-of-time:

captainamericasbiggestfan:

soldier-out-of-time:

to-see-floating-lanterns-gleam:

soldier-out-of-time:

ask-the-mockingbird:

AYE AYE CAPTAIN!



AYE AYE CAPTAIN!




CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!



CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!



CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!



THIS IS THE BEST POST ON THE INTERNET EVERYONE ELSE GO THE FUCK HOME

cancerously:

soldier-out-of-time:

captainamericasbiggestfan:

soldier-out-of-time:

captainamericasbiggestfan:

soldier-out-of-time:

captainamericasbiggestfan:

soldier-out-of-time:

to-see-floating-lanterns-gleam:

soldier-out-of-time:

ask-the-mockingbird:

AYE AYE CAPTAIN!

image

AYE AYE CAPTAIN!

image

image

CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!

image

CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!

image

CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!

image

THIS IS THE BEST POST ON THE INTERNET EVERYONE ELSE GO THE FUCK HOME

(via aerithrayne)

18 6 / 2013

geekingermany:

I cannot get enough of this comic sometimes

geekingermany:

I cannot get enough of this comic sometimes

(via myerida)

18 6 / 2013

songofages:

schazam:


Elizabeth Báthory is one of the most prolific serial killers in all of history.
She was born into nobility and was highly educated but also very vain.
One day, infuriated, Elizabeth struck one of her servant girls so hard that some blood dripped from her face onto Elizabeth’s hand and she immediately thought that her skin took on a glowing freshness of her young maid.
Elizabeth believed she had found the secret of eternal youth. After this, women were abducted and hung upside down, while they were still alive and their throats were slit to prepare Elizabeth’s bath.
The Countess of Transylvania and four collaborators were accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls, with one witness attributing to them over 650 victims, though the number for which they were convicted was 80. Elizabeth herself was neither tried nor convicted.

Can I just time in here and say a few things, since half of what is written here is straight from the wikipedia page, which don’t get me wrong —it’s accurate— but extremely underwhelming.
“Elizabeth” Erzebet Bathory was so much more than some vain bitch who killed over 650 women, she was a vain bitch who could speak and write more than two languages, in a time where a woman writing one was unheard of. She was raised mostly by her very infamous openly bisexual aunt, and was a torturer and a murderer before she was 14 (rumored).
This woman was the person who made the villagers quake in both fear and revelation, that the courts refused to take action against when young girls started dissapearing, when bodies started being found. She OWNED the country, her family was richer then even the Lords presiding over it, she had all the say.
Her and her ‘accomplices” (which by the way, they were extremely trusted, and unlike her, they were executed without mercy when the truth came out), would gather village children who their parents practically threw their way in hopes of a better future, although the children would never live again. She didn’t only hang them, she caged them, used iron maidens, spears, so many different objects. And the whole ‘bathing in blood’ thing, although is technically can be true, that and the whole striking her maid is all exagerrated to add to the story. Her and her husband got off to killing, literally, they liked the screams. If she bathed in blood, it wasn’t to be younger, it was to enjoy their life ending. Not to say she wasn’t vain, but for good reason. She was considered the most beautiful woman in Hungary for all of her days.
And she technically was tried, although as I said before she practically owned the country, they couldn’t actually kill her. But she had killed another young girl of noble blood, and that couldn’t just be set aside. So instead of execution, they sentenced her to house arrest for the rest of her days, unable to punish her for all the women she had killed.
Also, she had three children, and regardless of her murderous ways it was said that she had been a wonderful, loving mother. Strange how the ‘vain blood mistress’ can be more than just, isn’t it?
I could go on and on about this woman, I’ve read and watched basically everything pertaining to her due to reports and essays that I wrote when I was younger, and even though she was a horrifying murderer, she deserves a bit more than ‘blood bitch’.

It’s also interesting to note that one of her descendents feels so bad about what his ancestor did that he donates blood as often as humanly possible.

songofages:

schazam:

Elizabeth Báthory is one of the most prolific serial killers in all of history.

She was born into nobility and was highly educated but also very vain.

One day, infuriated, Elizabeth struck one of her servant girls so hard that some blood dripped from her face onto Elizabeth’s hand and she immediately thought that her skin took on a glowing freshness of her young maid.

Elizabeth believed she had found the secret of eternal youth. After this, women were abducted and hung upside down, while they were still alive and their throats were slit to prepare Elizabeth’s bath.

The Countess of Transylvania and four collaborators were accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls, with one witness attributing to them over 650 victims, though the number for which they were convicted was 80. Elizabeth herself was neither tried nor convicted.

Can I just time in here and say a few things, since half of what is written here is straight from the wikipedia page, which don’t get me wrong —it’s accurate— but extremely underwhelming.

“Elizabeth” Erzebet Bathory was so much more than some vain bitch who killed over 650 women, she was a vain bitch who could speak and write more than two languages, in a time where a woman writing one was unheard of. She was raised mostly by her very infamous openly bisexual aunt, and was a torturer and a murderer before she was 14 (rumored).

This woman was the person who made the villagers quake in both fear and revelation, that the courts refused to take action against when young girls started dissapearing, when bodies started being found. She OWNED the country, her family was richer then even the Lords presiding over it, she had all the say.

Her and her ‘accomplices” (which by the way, they were extremely trusted, and unlike her, they were executed without mercy when the truth came out), would gather village children who their parents practically threw their way in hopes of a better future, although the children would never live again. She didn’t only hang them, she caged them, used iron maidens, spears, so many different objects. And the whole ‘bathing in blood’ thing, although is technically can be true, that and the whole striking her maid is all exagerrated to add to the story. Her and her husband got off to killing, literally, they liked the screams. If she bathed in blood, it wasn’t to be younger, it was to enjoy their life ending. Not to say she wasn’t vain, but for good reason. She was considered the most beautiful woman in Hungary for all of her days.

And she technically was tried, although as I said before she practically owned the country, they couldn’t actually kill her. But she had killed another young girl of noble blood, and that couldn’t just be set aside. So instead of execution, they sentenced her to house arrest for the rest of her days, unable to punish her for all the women she had killed.

Also, she had three children, and regardless of her murderous ways it was said that she had been a wonderful, loving mother. Strange how the ‘vain blood mistress’ can be more than just, isn’t it?

I could go on and on about this woman, I’ve read and watched basically everything pertaining to her due to reports and essays that I wrote when I was younger, and even though she was a horrifying murderer, she deserves a bit more than ‘blood bitch’.

It’s also interesting to note that one of her descendents feels so bad about what his ancestor did that he donates blood as often as humanly possible.

(via myothercarisabluebox)

18 6 / 2013

were-not-heroes:

gradoody-ashi:

thelittlecoyoteinitiative:

This needs to be rebloggable …

As someone who just finished their first year, EMPHASIS ON NOT TAKING MORNING CLASSES. I TOOK PRECAL AT 8AM.
YOU SHOULD BE POURING YOURSELF A CUP OF COFFEE AND ENJOYING LIFE AT 8AM, NOT TRYING TO SOLVE QUADRATIC EQUATIONS

As someone who recently graduated college, I totally agree with all of these. Sometimes you can’t avoid early classes, but HOLY HELL AVOID THEM.

were-not-heroes:

gradoody-ashi:

thelittlecoyoteinitiative:

This needs to be rebloggable …

As someone who just finished their first year, EMPHASIS ON NOT TAKING MORNING CLASSES. I TOOK PRECAL AT 8AM.

YOU SHOULD BE POURING YOURSELF A CUP OF COFFEE AND ENJOYING LIFE AT 8AM, NOT TRYING TO SOLVE QUADRATIC EQUATIONS

As someone who recently graduated college, I totally agree with all of these. Sometimes you can’t avoid early classes, but HOLY HELL AVOID THEM.

(via horned-heart)

18 6 / 2013

aerithrayne:

fuckyeahfeminists:

rhrealitycheck:

Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX), a former OB/GYN, urged for an abortion ban even earlier than 20 weeks. Why? Because he’s seen male fetuses masturbate at 15 weeks. (Not sure why female fetuses don’t masturbate [or maybe they dont matter], but whatever.)
If you’re using fetal masturbation to defend the myth of fetal pain…you’re doing it wrong. #GOPscience strikes again.

Tell your representative to say NO to the unconstitutional abortion ban.

you just can’t make this shit up. #GOPScience: Where masturbating male fetuses have more rights than women and people who can get pregnant.

*facepalm*

aerithrayne:

fuckyeahfeminists:

rhrealitycheck:

Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX), a former OB/GYN, urged for an abortion ban even earlier than 20 weeks. Why? Because he’s seen male fetuses masturbate at 15 weeks. (Not sure why female fetuses don’t masturbate [or maybe they dont matter], but whatever.)

If you’re using fetal masturbation to defend the myth of fetal pain…you’re doing it wrong. #GOPscience strikes again.

Tell your representative to say NO to the unconstitutional abortion ban.

you just can’t make this shit up. #GOPScience: Where masturbating male fetuses have more rights than women and people who can get pregnant.

*facepalm*

(Source: rhrealitycheck.org)

18 6 / 2013

bornofsaltandsmoke:

scooby-dooby-who:

pizzaforpresident:

creeds-thoughts:

I like how America is freaking out like “AHHH SAME SEX MARRIAGE AHH TAXED HEALTH CARE OMG AHHHHHH!!! THE WORLD WILL BURN!!” and literally right next to them is their most similar country doing perfect with both of those things like it’s a no-brainer.

image

what the hell is that beaver doing

quietly reveling in its stable economy.

(via aerithrayne)

18 6 / 2013

butthole-spaghetti:
fuckyeahspookyshit:

Last year, I spent six months participating in what I was told was a psychological experiment. I found an ad in my local paper looking for imaginative people looking to make good money, and since it was the only ad that week that I was remotely qualified for, I gave them a call and we arranged an interview.
They told me that all I would have to do is stay in a room, alone, with sensors attached to my head to read my brain activity, and while I was there I would visualize a double of myself. They called it my “tulpa.”
It seemed easy enough, and I agreed to do it as soon as they told me how much I would be paid. The next day, I began. They brought me to a simple room and gave me a bed, then attached sensors to my head and hooked them into a little black box on the table beside me. They talked me through the process of visualizing my double again, and explained that if I got bored or restless, instead of moving around, I should visualize my double moving around, or try to interact with him, and so on. The idea was to keep him with me the entire time I was in the room.
I had trouble with it for the first few days. It was more controlled than any sort of daydreaming I’d done before. I’d imagine my double for a few minutes, then grow distracted. By the fourth day, however, I could manage to keep him “present” for the entire six hours. They told me I was doing very well.
The second week, they gave me a different room with wall-mounted speakers. They told me they wanted to see if I could still keep the tulpa with me in spite of distracting stimuli. The music was discordant, ugly, unsettling, and it made the process a little more difficult, but I managed nonetheless. The next week, they played even more unsettling music, punctuated with shrieks, feedback loops, what sounded like an old school modem dialing up and guttural voices speaking some foreign language. I just laughed it off; I was a pro by then.
After about a month, I started to get bored. To liven things up, I started interacting with my doppelganger. we’d have conversations, play rock-paper-scissors, I’d imagine him juggling or break dancing, or whatever caught my fancy. I asked the researchers if my foolishness would adversely affect their study, but they encouraged me.
So, we played and communicated, and that was fun for a while…and then it got a little strange. I was telling him about my first date one day and he corrected me. I’d said my date was wearing a yellow top, and he told me it was a green one. I thought about it for a second and realized he was right. It creeped me out, and after my shift that day I talked to the researchers about it. “You’re using the thought-form to access your subconscious,” they explained. “You knew on some level that you were wrong, and you subconscious corrected yourself.”
What had been creepy was suddenly cool. I was talking to my subconscious! It took some practice, but I found that I could question my tulpa and access all sorts of memories. I could make it quote whole pages of books I’d read once, years before, or things I was taught and immediately forgot in high school. It was awesome.
That was around the time I started “calling up” my double outside of the research center. Not often, at first, but I was so used to imagining him by now that it almost seemed odd not to see him. So, whenever I was bored, I’d visualize my double. Eventually, I started doing it almost all the time. It was amusing to take him along like an invisible friend. I imagined him when I was hanging out with friends, or visiting my mom; I even brought him along on a date once. I didn’t need to speak aloud to him, so I was able to carry out conversations with him and no one was the wiser.
I know that sounds strange, but it was fun. Not only was he a walking repository of everything I knew and everything I had forgotten, he also seemed more in touch with me than I did at times. He had an uncanny grasp of the minutiae of body language that I didn’t even realize I was picking up on. For example, I thought the date I brought him along on was going badly, but he pointed out how she was laughing a little too hard at my jokes and leaning towards me as I spoke, and a bunch of other subtle clues I wasn’t consciously picking up on. I listened and let’s just say that the date went very well.
By the time I’d been at the research center for four months he was with me constantly. The researchers approached me one day after my shift and asked me if I’d stopped visualizing him. I denied it and they seemed pleased. I silently asked my double if he knew what prompted that, but he just shrugged it off. So did I.
I withdrew a little from the world at that point. I was having trouble relating to people. It seemed to me that they were so confused and unsure of themselves, while I had a manifestation of myself to confer with. It made socializing awkward. Nobody else seemed aware of the reasons behind their actions, why some things made them mad and others made them laugh. They didn’t know what moved them…but I did, or at least I could ask myself and get an answer
A friend confronted me one evening. He pounded at the door until I answered it and came in fuming and swearing up a storm. “You haven’t answered when I called you in fucking weeks, you dick!” he yelled. “What’s your fucking problem?”
I was about to apologize to him and probably would have offered to hit the bars with him that night, but my tulpa grew suddenly furious. “Hit him,” it said, and before I knew what I was doing, I had. I heard his nose break. He fell to the floor and came up swinging, and we beat each other up and down my apartment. I was more furious than I have ever been, and I was not merciful. I knocked him to the ground and gave him two savage kicks to the ribs, and that was when he fled, hunched over and sobbing.
The police were by a few minutes later, but I told them that he had been the instigator and since he wasn’t around to refute me, they let me off with a warning. My tulpa was grinning the entire time. We spent the night crowing about my victory and sneering over how badly I’d beaten my friend.
It wasn’t until the next morning, when I was checking out my black eye and cut lip in the mirror, that I remembered what had set me o ff. My double was the one who’d grown furious, not me. I’d been feeling guilty and a little ashamed, but he’d goaded me into a vicious fight with a concerned friend. He was present, of course, and knew my thoughts. “You don’t need him any more. You don’t need anyone else,” he told me; I felt my skin crawl.
I explained all this to the researchers who employed me, but they just laughed it off. “You can’t be scared of something that you’re imagining,” one told me. My double stood beside him and nodded his head, then smirked at me.
I tried to take their words to heart, but over the next few days I found myself growing more and more anxious around my tulpa, and it seemed that he was changing. He looked taller and more menacing. His eyes twinkled with mischief, and I saw malice in his constant smile. No job was worth losing my mind over, I decided. If he was out of control, I’d put him down. I was so used to him at that point that visualizing him was an automatic process, so I started trying my damnedest to not visualize him. It took a few days, but it started to work somewhat. I could get rid of him for hours at a time, but every time he came back, he seemed worse. His skin seemed ashen, his teeth more pointed. He hissed and gibbered and threatened and swore. The discordant music I’d been listening to for months seemed to accompany him everywhere. Even when I was at home; I’d relax and slip up, no longer concentrating on no seeing him, and there he’d be, and that howling noise with him.
I was still visiting the research center and spending my next six hours there. I needed the money, and I thought they weren’t away that I was now not actively visualizing my tulpa. I was wrong. After my shift one day, about five and a half months in, two impressive men grabbed me and restrained me, and someone in a lab coat jabbed a hypodermic needle into me.
I woke up from my stupor back in the room, strapped into the bed, music blaring, with my doppelganger standing over me, cackling. He hardly looked human any more. His features were twisted. His eyes were sunken in their sockets and filmed over like a corpse’s. He was much taller than me, but hunched over. His hands were twisted, and his fingernails were like talons. He was, in short, fucking terrifying. I tried to will him away, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. He giggled and tapped the IV in my arm. I thrashed in my restraints as best I could, but could hardly move at all.
“They’re pumping you full of the good shit, I think. How’s the mind? All fuzzy?” He leaned closer and closer as he spoke. I gagged; his breath smelled like spoiled meat. I tried to focus, but I couldn’t banish him.
The next few weeks were terrible. Every so often, someone in a doctor’s coat would come in and inject me with something or force-feed me a pill. They kept me dizzy and unfocused, and sometimes left me hallucinating or delusional. My thought-form was still present, constantly mocking. He interacted with, or perhaps caused, my delusions. I hallucinated that my mother was there, scolding me, and then he cut her throat and her blood showered me. It was so real that I could taste it.
The doctors never spoke to me. I begged at times, screamed, hurled invectives, demanded answers. They never spoke to me. They may have talked to my tulpa, my personal monster. I’m not sure. I was so doped and confused that it may have just been more delusion, but I remember them talking with him. I grew convinced that he was the real one and that I was the thought-form. He encouraged that line of thought at times, but mocked me at others.‘Another thing that I pray was a delusion: he could touch me. More than that, he could hurt me. He’d poke and prod at me if he felt I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. Once, he grabbed my testicles and squeezed until I told him I loved him. Another time, he slashed my forearm with one of his talons. I still have a scar; most days I can convince myself that I injured myself, and just hallucinated that he was responsible. Most days.
Then, one day, while he was telling me a story about how he was going to gut everyone I loved, starting with my sister, he paused. A querulous look crossed his face, and he reached out and touched my head. Like mother used to when I was feverish. He stayed still for a long moment and then smiled. “All thoughts are creative,” he told me, then he walked out the door.
Three hours later, I was given an injection and passed out. I awoke unrestrained. Shaking, I made my way to the door and found it unlocked I walked out into the empty hallway and then ran. I stumbled more than once, but I made it down the stairs and out into the lot behind the building. There, I collapsed, weeping like a child. I knew I had to keep moving, but I couldn’t manage it.
I got home eventually; I don’t remember how. I locked the door and shoved a dresser against it, took a long shower, and slept for a day and a half. Nobody came for me in the night, and nobody came the next day or the one after that. I twas over. I’d spent a week locked in that room, but it had felt like a century. I’d withdrawn so much from my life beforehand that nobody had even known I was missing.
The police didn’t find anything. The research center was empty when they searched it. The paper trail fell apart. The names I’d given them were aliases. Even the money I’d received was apparently untraceable.
I recovered as much as one can. I don’t leave the house much, and I have panic attacks when I do. I cry a lot. I don’t sleep much, and my nightmares are terrible. It’s over, I tell myself. I survived. I used the concentration those bastards taught me to convince myself. It works, sometimes.
Not today, though. Three days ago, I got a phone call from my mother. There’s been a tragedy. My sister’s the latest victim in a spree of killings, the police say. The perpetrator mugs his victims, then guts them.
The funeral was this afternoon. It was as lovely a service as a funeral can be, I suppose. I was a little distracted, though. All I could hear was music coming from somewhere distant. It was discordant, unsettling stuff that sounds like feedback, shrieking, and a modem dialing up. I hear it still – a little louder now.

the scary part is that this is an actual thing. you can actually have a tulpa. it is a theory that slenderman among other myths are tulpas or thoughtforms (something created by collective thoughts of one or more individuals).it’s so terrifying to think of what your mind can create.

butthole-spaghetti:


fuckyeahspookyshit:

Last year, I spent six months participating in what I was told was a psychological experiment. I found an ad in my local paper looking for imaginative people looking to make good money, and since it was the only ad that week that I was remotely qualified for, I gave them a call and we arranged an interview.

They told me that all I would have to do is stay in a room, alone, with sensors attached to my head to read my brain activity, and while I was there I would visualize a double of myself. They called it my “tulpa.”

It seemed easy enough, and I agreed to do it as soon as they told me how much I would be paid. The next day, I began. They brought me to a simple room and gave me a bed, then attached sensors to my head and hooked them into a little black box on the table beside me. They talked me through the process of visualizing my double again, and explained that if I got bored or restless, instead of moving around, I should visualize my double moving around, or try to interact with him, and so on. The idea was to keep him with me the entire time I was in the room.

I had trouble with it for the first few days. It was more controlled than any sort of daydreaming I’d done before. I’d imagine my double for a few minutes, then grow distracted. By the fourth day, however, I could manage to keep him “present” for the entire six hours. They told me I was doing very well.

The second week, they gave me a different room with wall-mounted speakers. They told me they wanted to see if I could still keep the tulpa with me in spite of distracting stimuli. The music was discordant, ugly, unsettling, and it made the process a little more difficult, but I managed nonetheless. The next week, they played even more unsettling music, punctuated with shrieks, feedback loops, what sounded like an old school modem dialing up and guttural voices speaking some foreign language. I just laughed it off; I was a pro by then.

After about a month, I started to get bored. To liven things up, I started interacting with my doppelganger. we’d have conversations, play rock-paper-scissors, I’d imagine him juggling or break dancing, or whatever caught my fancy. I asked the researchers if my foolishness would adversely affect their study, but they encouraged me.

So, we played and communicated, and that was fun for a while…and then it got a little strange. I was telling him about my first date one day and he corrected me. I’d said my date was wearing a yellow top, and he told me it was a green one. I thought about it for a second and realized he was right. It creeped me out, and after my shift that day I talked to the researchers about it. “You’re using the thought-form to access your subconscious,” they explained. “You knew on some level that you were wrong, and you subconscious corrected yourself.”

What had been creepy was suddenly cool. I was talking to my subconscious! It took some practice, but I found that I could question my tulpa and access all sorts of memories. I could make it quote whole pages of books I’d read once, years before, or things I was taught and immediately forgot in high school. It was awesome.

That was around the time I started “calling up” my double outside of the research center. Not often, at first, but I was so used to imagining him by now that it almost seemed odd not to see him. So, whenever I was bored, I’d visualize my double. Eventually, I started doing it almost all the time. It was amusing to take him along like an invisible friend. I imagined him when I was hanging out with friends, or visiting my mom; I even brought him along on a date once. I didn’t need to speak aloud to him, so I was able to carry out conversations with him and no one was the wiser.

I know that sounds strange, but it was fun. Not only was he a walking repository of everything I knew and everything I had forgotten, he also seemed more in touch with me than I did at times. He had an uncanny grasp of the minutiae of body language that I didn’t even realize I was picking up on. For example, I thought the date I brought him along on was going badly, but he pointed out how she was laughing a little too hard at my jokes and leaning towards me as I spoke, and a bunch of other subtle clues I wasn’t consciously picking up on. I listened and let’s just say that the date went very well.

By the time I’d been at the research center for four months he was with me constantly. The researchers approached me one day after my shift and asked me if I’d stopped visualizing him. I denied it and they seemed pleased. I silently asked my double if he knew what prompted that, but he just shrugged it off. So did I.

I withdrew a little from the world at that point. I was having trouble relating to people. It seemed to me that they were so confused and unsure of themselves, while I had a manifestation of myself to confer with. It made socializing awkward. Nobody else seemed aware of the reasons behind their actions, why some things made them mad and others made them laugh. They didn’t know what moved them…but I did, or at least I could ask myself and get an answer

A friend confronted me one evening. He pounded at the door until I answered it and came in fuming and swearing up a storm. “You haven’t answered when I called you in fucking weeks, you dick!” he yelled. “What’s your fucking problem?”

I was about to apologize to him and probably would have offered to hit the bars with him that night, but my tulpa grew suddenly furious. “Hit him,” it said, and before I knew what I was doing, I had. I heard his nose break. He fell to the floor and came up swinging, and we beat each other up and down my apartment. I was more furious than I have ever been, and I was not merciful. I knocked him to the ground and gave him two savage kicks to the ribs, and that was when he fled, hunched over and sobbing.

The police were by a few minutes later, but I told them that he had been the instigator and since he wasn’t around to refute me, they let me off with a warning. My tulpa was grinning the entire time. We spent the night crowing about my victory and sneering over how badly I’d beaten my friend.

It wasn’t until the next morning, when I was checking out my black eye and cut lip in the mirror, that I remembered what had set me o ff. My double was the one who’d grown furious, not me. I’d been feeling guilty and a little ashamed, but he’d goaded me into a vicious fight with a concerned friend. He was present, of course, and knew my thoughts. “You don’t need him any more. You don’t need anyone else,” he told me; I felt my skin crawl.

I explained all this to the researchers who employed me, but they just laughed it off. “You can’t be scared of something that you’re imagining,” one told me. My double stood beside him and nodded his head, then smirked at me.

I tried to take their words to heart, but over the next few days I found myself growing more and more anxious around my tulpa, and it seemed that he was changing. He looked taller and more menacing. His eyes twinkled with mischief, and I saw malice in his constant smile. No job was worth losing my mind over, I decided. If he was out of control, I’d put him down. I was so used to him at that point that visualizing him was an automatic process, so I started trying my damnedest to not visualize him. It took a few days, but it started to work somewhat. I could get rid of him for hours at a time, but every time he came back, he seemed worse. His skin seemed ashen, his teeth more pointed. He hissed and gibbered and threatened and swore. The discordant music I’d been listening to for months seemed to accompany him everywhere. Even when I was at home; I’d relax and slip up, no longer concentrating on no seeing him, and there he’d be, and that howling noise with him.

I was still visiting the research center and spending my next six hours there. I needed the money, and I thought they weren’t away that I was now not actively visualizing my tulpa. I was wrong. After my shift one day, about five and a half months in, two impressive men grabbed me and restrained me, and someone in a lab coat jabbed a hypodermic needle into me.

I woke up from my stupor back in the room, strapped into the bed, music blaring, with my doppelganger standing over me, cackling. He hardly looked human any more. His features were twisted. His eyes were sunken in their sockets and filmed over like a corpse’s. He was much taller than me, but hunched over. His hands were twisted, and his fingernails were like talons. He was, in short, fucking terrifying. I tried to will him away, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. He giggled and tapped the IV in my arm. I thrashed in my restraints as best I could, but could hardly move at all.

“They’re pumping you full of the good shit, I think. How’s the mind? All fuzzy?” He leaned closer and closer as he spoke. I gagged; his breath smelled like spoiled meat. I tried to focus, but I couldn’t banish him.

The next few weeks were terrible. Every so often, someone in a doctor’s coat would come in and inject me with something or force-feed me a pill. They kept me dizzy and unfocused, and sometimes left me hallucinating or delusional. My thought-form was still present, constantly mocking. He interacted with, or perhaps caused, my delusions. I hallucinated that my mother was there, scolding me, and then he cut her throat and her blood showered me. It was so real that I could taste it.

The doctors never spoke to me. I begged at times, screamed, hurled invectives, demanded answers. They never spoke to me. They may have talked to my tulpa, my personal monster. I’m not sure. I was so doped and confused that it may have just been more delusion, but I remember them talking with him. I grew convinced that he was the real one and that I was the thought-form. He encouraged that line of thought at times, but mocked me at others.

Another thing that I pray was a delusion: he could touch me. More than that, he could hurt me. He’d poke and prod at me if he felt I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. Once, he grabbed my testicles and squeezed until I told him I loved him. Another time, he slashed my forearm with one of his talons. I still have a scar; most days I can convince myself that I injured myself, and just hallucinated that he was responsible. Most days.

Then, one day, while he was telling me a story about how he was going to gut everyone I loved, starting with my sister, he paused. A querulous look crossed his face, and he reached out and touched my head. Like mother used to when I was feverish. He stayed still for a long moment and then smiled. “All thoughts are creative,” he told me, then he walked out the door.

Three hours later, I was given an injection and passed out. I awoke unrestrained. Shaking, I made my way to the door and found it unlocked I walked out into the empty hallway and then ran. I stumbled more than once, but I made it down the stairs and out into the lot behind the building. There, I collapsed, weeping like a child. I knew I had to keep moving, but I couldn’t manage it.

I got home eventually; I don’t remember how. I locked the door and shoved a dresser against it, took a long shower, and slept for a day and a half. Nobody came for me in the night, and nobody came the next day or the one after that. I twas over. I’d spent a week locked in that room, but it had felt like a century. I’d withdrawn so much from my life beforehand that nobody had even known I was missing.

The police didn’t find anything. The research center was empty when they searched it. The paper trail fell apart. The names I’d given them were aliases. Even the money I’d received was apparently untraceable.

I recovered as much as one can. I don’t leave the house much, and I have panic attacks when I do. I cry a lot. I don’t sleep much, and my nightmares are terrible. It’s over, I tell myself. I survived. I used the concentration those bastards taught me to convince myself. It works, sometimes.

Not today, though. Three days ago, I got a phone call from my mother. There’s been a tragedy. My sister’s the latest victim in a spree of killings, the police say. The perpetrator mugs his victims, then guts them.

The funeral was this afternoon. It was as lovely a service as a funeral can be, I suppose. I was a little distracted, though. All I could hear was music coming from somewhere distant. It was discordant, unsettling stuff that sounds like feedback, shrieking, and a modem dialing up. I hear it still – a little louder now.

the scary part is that this is an actual thing. you can actually have a tulpa. it is a theory that slenderman among other myths are tulpas or thoughtforms (something created by collective thoughts of one or more individuals).
it’s so terrifying to think of what your mind can create.

(via drydwen)

17 6 / 2013

thefantasticejir:

My money’s on Giant Mushroom Man

thefantasticejir:

My money’s on Giant Mushroom Man

17 6 / 2013

alovelyintoxication:

Yes! Who remembers the epic intro to Demon Souls!

17 6 / 2013

Soul of the mind, key to life’s ether.
Soul of the lost, withdrawn from its vessel.
Let strength be granted, so the world might be mended.
So the world might be mended.

(Source: inkdrocket)